Chinese New Year (Part II) - Post Valentine's Day Massage Massacre

It was supposed to be relaxing. Never. Not once. Not for a minute, did I think it would be anything but relaxing. The reflexology foot massage was fantastic. My masseuse educated me (in Cantonese) on the foot and how pressure points on the foot will stimulate other areas of my body. I thought, "This is good. Here I am in Asia indulging in reflexology, this is where it's at. I am relaxed, I am peaceful, I can't wait for the full body massage."

How wrong I was.

Let me describe the Little Tyrant to you (aka masseuse). She is probably 4 foot 7, speaks no English, is maybe in her late forties or early fifties, hard to tell. Her smile is made of sugar she was so sweet to me, running around getting me water, fluffing pillows. Little did I know that the initial foot massage was a means of tenderizing me for the kill--the full body massage.

In Hong Kong, you have massages with your clothes on, they give you shorts and a t-shirt and then they lay a towel over you to start the massage, which is not as much of a rolling, kneading type massage, as a poking, painful massage.

In broken English, the Little Tyrant kept saying, "Tight! Tight! So tight!", and she delved deeper into muscle (or bone). When I could not clench my jaw any harder for fear of breaking it, I raised my head and said, "Too hard! Too hard". Oh. My. God. She thought I meant HARDER!! Owwww. Owwww. Owww. When she hopped up onto the table to get more leverage whilst sticking her elbow into my vertebrae, I knew I was in trouble. The real shock came when she started to hit me. Now I know that this is often used as a good massage technique, except for the fact that she spanked me. Yep. That's right. I was totally spanked by the Little Tyrant. Apparently, my bum is pretty tense too. Finally, it was over. I felt like I had been steam rolled. My friend Sabita was in the room with me (it was a couples massage - don't ask), she looked all peaceful and blissed out. Her massage was relaxing.

"Ummm...did she spank you?" Sabita asked.

Yes Sabita. Yes she did.